Hipsters with beards and knit hats.

It's in the middle of the FUCKING summer, take off that DAMN HAT.

These people make me miserable. Yeah, I like to have a few pitchers of beer, DOESN'T MEAN I'M DRUNK. Those damn condescending motherfuckers start talking to you like an idiot, because they think I'm drunk.

"I really like King of Queens."

"OH YEAH? WOW, THAT'S GREAT"

"FUCK YOU!"

Don't treat me like a foreigner because I can handle a lot of booze, thank you!
Don't tell me my limits, you socialist.

It's a beautiful day.

People Who Friggin' Wave You On at Stop Signs

Of all the brain-explodingly irritating things that happen while I'm driving, I think this one actually is the worst. I can't stand it when you get to a stop sign, and the person who was there before you FRIGGIN' WAVES YOU ON. Either the person is trying to be nice, doesn't know better, or is deathly afraid of the concept of a three way stop. I really don't know, but for God's sake... In the amount of time it took me to look into your car, realize you were waving at ME and not reacting to your own terrible body odor, you could have gone AND I could have gone.

This kind of thing is what makes me want to sell my car (not that it's worth anything) and start riding my bike everywhere. Hey, they do it in China. I could start delivering Jimmy John's on my bicycle, but I'd probably get hit by a guy who ran a stop sign, just for irony's sake.



Kinda like this. Except I'd be under the tire with submarine sandwich all over my face.

What's even worse is people who eat food while they're talking to you and they don't even know you. At least put your hand over your mouth. I really don't want to see Oreo build-up encrusted on the side of some freaking wildebeest's mouth. "I'm sorry, ma'am. Do you need a FREAKING ICE SCRAPER FOR THAT?"

Why I Hate Lady Gaga...

It's not that I think she isn't technically talented, and not even that I don't think she "deserves" to be famous. It's mostly that she is constantly talking about how different she looked and felt growing up, but in reality, a few years back she looked like this --



Also, her singing style (now, anyway,) honestly just sounds like a joke. A car full of clowns could drive out of her mouth and start humping a bear in a party hat and I'd take her more seriously. Not to mention her political stands are pointless and generally just don't make sense. A meat dress? As much as I like offending vegetarians, the meat dress is idiotic. Just stop.

I Hate It When People Talk for Their Animals.

I really do love dogs. Except for the majority of those little crap weasels. You know, the ones that yap and bite your ankles like it's free dessert at a fat camp. The one thing I really just can't stand is people who truly believe that their animal has logic and reasoning capabilities. Jerk-offs who say things like "he's like 'give me some of that food!'", or "He's like, 'I just wanna go for a walk, daddy!", or "he's like 'When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful, a miracle. Oh, it was beautiful, magical.."


You get the idea.

It always seems to be prefaced with "he's like". Holy hell, at least get creative and say something like "'Give me some food,' Rex said, with a sly grin". Oh, wait, dogs can't grin, and Winn-Dixie doesn't count. The most a dog can hope for is a mental picture of a pork tenderloin, because they're not sentient and do not have reasoning capabilities or an advanced enough language center to truly understand English. The only reason I can think of for the owners of pets to act this way is either severe mental illness or they just read WAY too many Animorph books growing up.

Anyway, let's get down to the reason why I hate this. It's because no matter how much I like someone or how intelligent they seem to be, when they participate in this kind of nonsense, it makes me think they're flaky. It's a totally unfair assumption. Maybe they just like to play pretend, or some BS like that, but whatever. I can't help it. I just automatically get a picture of the person sharing fake tea with dolls, or something. Do people really think that an animal that craps in the backyard in front of everyone, is capable of the complex internal debates that occur within humans every day? And quit dressing your fugging dog (or cat) up, you sickos.

I hate when bands say, 'here we go' in the middle of a song.
I hate clapping in the middle of the song.

I hate it when scumbag performers stop a show to get audience participation. "I feel like I'm apart of the show!" YOU'RE NOT, ASSHOLE.

I didn't get a lot of sleep, I'm upset, and I need Jimmy John's.